Parenting Advice

I Had My Baby, Now What?
By Laura Clements

Anyone who has had a child knows what I am referring to when I say, “Okay, I had my baby. Now what do I do?” I remember when I had my first child, my son Tyler who is now 3, I laid in the hospital bed thinking what am I supposed to do now?

I went from being a 23 year-old girl wearing a size 3 and driving a T-top Camaro, to being a mom! I had to have an emergency c-section; so here I am doped up on Morphine looking at my precious baby. Somehow, I felt like a used piece of luggage that someone should throw out in the trash. I held this innocent little boy who was going to depend on me, and I did not even know how to change a diaper. Visiting hours had been over for sometime, and my husband said he was going home. Home? How could he possibly leave me here by myself? The nurse brought in my pain medicine and took my son to the nursery, and that may have been the last good nights sleep I have had since. The next morning it was if I had read the Cliff Notes on parenting, I was a mom. I look back now and that night was one of the happiest moments of my life!

I do not think it was actually until after having my daughter, Emily, about 2 ½ years after my son’s birth that I really got an answer to my question. With my son I needed to know what to do, how to act, how to love. What I did not know then, but have since realized is that is what I had been doing. My daughter was lucky; I had the mind set of a pro. My husband went home that night, and I was happy to have the peace and quite. I was able to watch a whole movie on the hospital Pay-Per-View, and someone was waiting on me hand and foot. I think once you learn that becoming a parent does not mean having to give up control, but learning to control what you can. Becoming a “mom” does not have to change you. Maybe the saggy breasts are a must, but emotionally I am still myself, just better.

I may never wear a size 3 or drive a Camaro again. Instead, I have a Mountaineer with a DVD player, two small sets of arms reaching out to me, and a pile of laundry I may never get to the bottom of. I think it is the best trade I ever made. Even if the stretch marks were an added bonus.

Laura Clements

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Setting the Stage For Your Comeback!
By Lynn B Lawson

Are you living up to your full potential? If not, why not? The only way to fully answer this question is to take an in-depth look at how you have lived your life up to this point. What is the belief system ingrained in you?

Some of us grew up with a mother at home full-time or one who may have had a part-time job. Others may have had a mom who worked outside the home full-time. But one of the common themes among most of our moms is they were often overworked and underappreciated. Watching our moms showed us how we should treat ourselves.

In many of our household, we had moms who had classic cases of total selflessness. Selflessness is the quality of unselfish concern for the welfare of others. While this can be an admirable trait, many women, moms in particular, take it to an extreme. One thing we must understand is it isn’t good to be selfish, nor totally selfless. Our goal should be to find a healthy point in the middle.

It was rare for my mom to take any time for herself, even to do small things like getting a pedicure. One of my most vivid memories is of her regularly giving herself a pedicure while taking a bath. She had so much on her plate, being a mother of five children, a wife, and having a nursing career. Fortunately (perhaps) for her, she was able to stop working to stay home full-time when I was nine years old. But her selflessness still continued.

This was a trait that I began to acquire, until I realized that it wasn’t benefiting me, nor my family, to be selfless…yet resentful. You see, it’s no good to be selfless and then resent everyone for not “allowing” you to take time for yourself. Happily, I learned that I had a CHOICE as to how I lived my life.

I would like to think that I became enlightened by myself. But the truth is, I had a lot help and yet, I’m still not totally where I’d like to be. But what I know now is, it’s my right to be happy and fulfilled right now, not when I’m an empty-nester.

So, here’s your assignment. Schedule time for yourself, away from everyone, at least once a week. And this time should not include running errands or anything else that’s mundane. This time should be spent totally focused on you. It could be time you spend getting a mani/pedi, taking a yoga class, meditating, or doing anything else that fulfills you. Doing this simply makes you feel valued and shows others that you care about yourself. Take this first step…it’s an important one!

Lynn Lawson publishes One Funky Mama, an online guide that encourages moms to live fuller lives. Sign up for the semi-weekly ezine at http://www.onefunkymama.com and you’ll be happy you have that extra little push to make your life more fulfilled.

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Anger Management For Mums - Get Deliberate About Handling Anger
By Jackie Hall

Anger in mums is universal. If you were to ask any mother they would more often then not tell you that motherhood has brought up some unwanted anger issues.

Sometimes it feels as if anger creeps up on you from behind, and over silly things too. I mean how important is a bit of food up your walls, or some water spilt onto the bathroom floor? Why does it matter that your child is running off giggling and playing games when you are trying to get them dressed? When we have finished our angry outburst and rationally reflect on these moments of fury, we often ask ourselves why we are falling into this repetitive cycle. Why can’t we just chill out? Here are some suggestion as to why we get angry and what you can do to overcome your anger.

Change the picture

We create ideas, or pictures in our head of how something ’should’ look. Perhaps you imagine being able to feed your child their food with minimal mess, or you imagine quickly throwing some clothes onto your child and then doing the dishes before running out the door. The game that the child is playing with getting dressed is different from the picture that you originally created and hence is chewing up your time to get the dishes done. The picture has changed and the opinions (thoughts) you create about the differences makes you feel stressed. Before you know it, anger has engulfed you.

Sometimes when we get attached to the pictures of how we expect something to go, and it doesn’t turn out that way, because of your attachment to the original picture, you cannot accept this new reality and you start to resist it. You create a dialogue in your head about the differences between what has happened and what you expected. For example, “He keeps running off. All I wanted to do was dress him so I can get these dishes done. Why is it that every time I am in a hurry, he’s running off? This really annoys me. When I get my hands on him, I’m gonna…”

Too late, anger has arrived. The progression of negative dialogue about the change between the picture and the reality (ie your thoughts) has created a feeling of building rage until release is imminent.

How to avoid anger in this instance:

Become aware of your thoughts and catch them out before they spiral from frustration into fury. You have to be deliberate in challenging these thoughts and creating a different conversation in your head. Try to use gratitude to change your thoughts, such as, “I’m grateful that he(my child) is in a happy mood.” “I’m grateful that he’s not throwing tantrums.” Etc. When you change your thoughts, you will change your feelings.

Let Go of the Past

Anger often arises in motherhood because we cannot let go of the way we used to do things, or cannot accept how we currently live our lives. When you become a mother, everything about you changes. You change mentally, physically, emotionally, morally, ethically and spiritually. You cannot be the same person that you were before children. Sometimes, however, this change happens so quickly, that we don’t stop to reflect on our current life and deliberately acknowledge the changes. Sometimes we are still attached to the old idea (picture) of how life used to be and how we ran our lives. For example, I used to do my housework in 4 hour straight sessions on a Saturday morning. I would also probably sit down and watch a movie on a Sunday afternoon or would spontaneously decide to go out for dinner on the weekend, or go away for a night or two. Now that I have children, I just cannot do some of these things without planning. Notice I didn’t say that I can’t do them at all? You can still do whatever you want, but as my girlfriend put it, “You find out what you want to do and then you plot and scheme around your children to do it.”

How to avoid anger in this instance?

The reality of your life right now as you raise your children is not what it used to be. Deliberately acknowledge this change, and let go of any attachments to the way life used to be. Life’s different now, so you must go about life differently. You may try to do things the way you used to, but if they don’t work that way anymore, just accept that and find a different way to approach it.

These are only two of the many different ways that I can show you on how to handle anger. The first step to managing your anger, however, is to deliberately decide that you no longer wish to experience being angry. As obvious as that sounds, this decision need to be literally made and then find as many different ways as possible to align with this choice. Sometimes anger is an auto-pilot reaction and by making this conscious choice to manage your anger, you will switch back to manual and be more in control of your anger.

Anger management starts with a deliberate and conscious decision, only then will you find that ability to manage it.

Want more help with Anger Management, specifically in the context of raising children? You can download tutorials from the “YOU Inside the Mum” Workshop from http://www.selfhelpformums.com

The YOU Inside the Mum Workshop covers topics such as: Finding happiness, controlling your mindset, Handling anger and guilt, Discovering your personal identity, finding your passion, Time Management, Time Out, Creating the Ultimate Relationship & Four Friends that will have your Soaring through Motherhood. This unique and comprehensive workshop will have you living the way you desire, without having to wait for your children to reach a certain developmental age, go to school, or turn 18.

Self Help for mums helps mothers to achieve calmness, balance, passion and happiness by putting yourself back in charge of your life. You will also find a free mother’s forum that supports members with questions and advice about their personal self help journey, all in the context of raising children and many other exciting, helpful and supportive resources to help you handle the emotional and personal aspects of raising children.

Learn how to live a happy and inspirational life TODAY at Self Help for Mums.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jackie_Hall
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Care of Perineal and Cesarean Section Wounds
By Cecilia Koh

Most women want a normal delivery with an intact perineum but unfortunately, this may not always be possible and the majority of women will have a wound to take care of in the postnatal period.

Perineal wounds are either a tear or an episiotomy. During the second stage of labour, the perineum has to stretch to allow the baby to be born. A tear usually occurs during delivery of the widest diameter of the baby’s head or the baby’s shoulders. A tear normally extends from the vagina downwards to the anal region and it heals very quickly. Although rare, the tear may extend into the anus, which is more complicated and requires extra care. An episiotomy is a surgical cut in the perineum to facilitate vaginal delivery of the baby, which may be normal, by forceps or vacuum extraction. The tear or episiotomy needs to be stitched to facilitate healing and hopefully get it back to its’ pre-pregnant state.

Care of perineal wounds

During the first postnatal days, the perineum will be bruised, swollen and sore. You may find it painful to walk or sit therefore it is best to lie down as much as possible for the first few days. Sometimes when you pass urine, you may feel a stinging pain on the wound. To reduce this effect, pour cool water on the area as you pass urine so that the water will dilute the stinging effects of the urine.

To help reduce the swelling and for the wound to heal quickly, the best treatment is to soak the perineum in cool salt water for 5-10 minutes once or twice daily until the wound has healed. Hot water will increase blood flow to the area which may make it more painful later.

During the healing process, the tissues will shrink causing the wound to become tight and uncomfortable. Sometimes the sutures (stitches) may become hard and stick into the flesh, which can be very painful. If you feel any uncontrollable pain, you must go back to your obstetrician who may remove a couple of stitches to relieve the pain.

Keep the area as clean and dry as possible by changing your sanitary pad regularly. It is better to use sanitary towels with loops as these can provide some counter pressure on the wound therefore making it less painful.

Do not use air rings. It does give relief when you sit but it may restrict blood flow to the area if used too long, which may delay healing of the episiotomy. It is better to sit on a soft pillow.

Please do not use feminine sprays or powder as they may interfere with the healing process.

A caesarean section is an operation whereby the baby is delivered through a cut in the lower abdominal and uterine walls. Normally, the cut is in the lower segment of the uterus at the bikini line.

Care of the section wound

Initially, the wound may be painful especially when you move or cough. This is due to internal pressure on the wound. Placing a hand firmly on the wound when you cough or move will counteract this pressure and reduce the pain. The pain is also due to tissue trauma therefore it may be necessary to take some painkillers. Keep the wound dry until any stitches are removed (normally about 7 days) so no bathing allowed. Use cotton dipped in salt water to soak and remove the scabs. Salt water also helps healing and reduces itching when the wound is healing. Do not lift heavy items for at least 6-8 weeks after the delivery.

Care tips for both types of wounds

• As far as possible, try not to bathe the baby yourself until the wound has healed properly.
• To help the wounds heal quickly, do not eat ginger for the first 10 days.
• Take extra vitamin C.
• Do not walk too much especially up and down stairs as your wound needs to ‘rest’ in order to heal.
• After 2 weeks, massage the wound with vitamin E oil to prevent keloid formation.
• Do not worry if the wound feels itchy even after many weeks or months.

Cecilia Koh is a registered nurse/midwife with over 30 years working experience in England and Malaysia. She was a parentcraft educator before setting up her own childcare centre for children aged 1 month to 2 years.
To view her articles in pictorial form go to http://www.babiesconsult.com

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What is the Truth About Breastfeeding?
By Eugene Williams

Breastfeeding (BF) is the most beneficial act that a baby endures to receive vital nutrients. It also establishes a close bond between a baby and the mother. This article reveals the overwhelming benefits of the mother’s milk and how it starts the baby off on the right path to health. In addition, the mother also benefits from breastfeeding and this is revealed as well.

How Does (BF) benefits babies?

-There’s a dramatic reduction of childhood diabetes

-Protection against allergy, eczema, asthma, and the severity of allergic disease

-Reduction in chronic constipation, stomach upsets and incidences of colic

-Increases bone density; certain substances destroy shigella and salmonella

-Protection against ear infections, kidney infections, septicemia and respiratory illnesses

-Protection against gastroenteritis and necrotizing entercolitis

-There’s also fewer incidences of vomiting and diarrhea in the U.there are roughly about 200,000 hospitalizations of children under the age of 5 every year and 400 to 500 deaths.S.

How Does (BF) Benefit The Mom?

-A special emotional relationship and bonding between mom and baby occurs

-Helps the uterus contract after birth to control postpardum bleeding

-Helps protect against osteoporosis and hip fractures later on in life

-The mom misses less time off from work due to child related illnesses

-The breast milk is free which eliminates or drastically reduces the cost of baby formula (Potentially saves thousands of dollars per year)

-When a baby is breastfed this reduces the chances of sickness thereby reducing healthcare costs to family in doctor visits, medicine purchases and over the counter medicine

-Helps delay return of fertility and to another probable pregnancy

-There’s also a reduced chance of breast, cervical, ovarian, endometrical cancers

-Also promotes weight loss ½ the production of breastmilk burns between 500 to 1500 calories per day.

What Are The Benefits To The Environment And The Society?

-There’s a reduction in insurance premiums for both parents and employers

-Reduction in missed work due to a Childs illness

-A reduction in tax burden on communities and governments to ensure children are properly fed

-Breastfeeding can reduce global pollution by decreasing the use of resources and energy to process, produce, distribute, package, and dispose of materials created by the manufacture and use of artificial baby milk

What Are Other Benefits Of Breastfeeding?

-The mother can get more rest than formula fed babies

-Breast-fed babies smell good, the spit ups don’t smell or stain and poopie diapers aren’t offensive

-Breastfeeding on average saves the mom about 7 to 8 hours a week off their feet

-To ensure the proper development of the baby its essential that the mother breastfeeds her baby on a daily basis. In addition, breastfeeding helps to create an incredible bond between a baby and its mother.

DISCLAIMER

The information provided herein should not be construed as a health-care diagnosis, treatment regimen or any other prescribed health-care advice or instruction. The publisher of this information is not involved in the practice of medicine and does not take on a patient relationship with its readers.

To help ensure that a baby’s nutritional needs are met the mother should breastfeed and consume the correct balance of nutrients. The author has spent numerous hours researching the best methods to implement for developing a healthy baby. Check out http://www.born-again-health-and-fitness.com/tips-for-getting-pregnant.html

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