Parenting Advice

October 20, 2008

Child Father Relationship - Strong Family Bonds Are Important

Filed under: Fatherhood — administrator @ 9:31 am

Child Father Relationship - Strong Family Bonds Are Important
By Wendy Pan

The child father relationship is one that has been receiving progressively more attention over the last few decades. While traditional wisdom and research studies focused on mother child relationships as the most important, the recent research suggests the relationship between fathers and their children is significantly more important than previously believed.

The child father relationship is one that is fundamentally important to the developmental progress of a child. The impact that a father has on a child begins while the child is still a baby. The play that a father engages in, which tends to be more physical and spontaneous, contributes to healthy brain development in infants.

By the time infants grow into small children, the role of play that a father engages in with the child takes on broader meaning and value. At this stage, the play takes on the role of teaching children problem solving, exploring limits, and goal oriented behavior. This is also a stage when fathers begin to help children learn to limit emotional outbursts and develop empathy through emotional involvement and modeling the appropriate behaviors.

Fathers have a profound impact on their school age children. At this stage, fathers help their children to learn to assume responsibility, encourage taking on challenges, and help to direct moral development. The father may wield more power to help or hinder their child at this point of development than any other.

The child father relationship changes during adolescence. The role of the father at this point is more passive than in previous times during the aging process of their children. Rather than engaging in teaching roles, or encouraging skill development, the father takes on a more advisory role. His task, as it were, is to be more an adviser and friend. The child will be more focused on the mother child relationship but still seek out the father for advice or reassurance about decision making, advice about managing personalities in their lives, and for simple time spent together.

The absence of a father can be a profound problem. In the lives of children who had absent fathers they tend to be more prone to be unable to form healthy, emotionally intimate relationships with their peers. There is significantly greater risk of drug abuse, smoking, alcohol abuse and other risk-seeking behaviors. There also tends to be problems managing social situations requiring empathy. Over their educational careers, children with poor or non-existent relationships with their fathers tended to have worse academic achievement than their peers with positive relationships with their fathers.

The effects of the child father relationship reaches far into adulthood. Those with positive relationships with their fathers tend to be more likely to be in intimate relationships and have fewer problems developing healthy, physically intimate relationships. Those with poor relationships with their fathers tend to be less likely to be involved in relationships, have more difficulty maintaining them, and demonstrate significantly more trouble in adapting to changing social circumstances.

Wendy Pan is an accomplished niche website developer and author.

To learn more about child father relationship, please visit You & Your Child’s Relationship Today for current articles and discussions.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Wendy_Pan
http://EzineArticles.com/?Child-Father-Relationship—Strong-Family-Bonds-Are-Important&id=1545951

Daddy’s During Pregnancy - Your Roles

Filed under: Fatherhood — administrator @ 9:30 am

Daddy’s During Pregnancy - Your Roles
By Roshni Mahtani

While mummy will play the star of the show, the supporting actor will be equally important. Here’s a list of ways dad can help out during labor and delivery.

Pregnancy

Lifestyle Changes

You can support your mummy-to-be by sharing in the lifestyle changes. Give up alcohol, drink more fluids, cut down on coffee and don’t smoke.

Accompany Her

Visit the Doctor for prenatal-care appointment together. Don’t miss the chance to get a glimpse of your baby during an ultrasound.

Be an Active Observer

Let your wife know you’re enjoying seeing her belly grow and feeling the baby kick.

Attend the Prenatal Classes

Practice breathing with her so that you could help her with labour. Be ready to embrace her, hold her hands, soothe her.

Nurture Her

Make sure she is eating a good diet of healthy food. Make sure she gets plenty of rest. Make sure she is comfortable. Maybe offer her a pillow or to massage her feet. Take on more of the household duties like cooking, cleaning, mopping, dishes and laundry.

Prepare Your Home

Welcome the new family member by getting things like baby furniture, readying the house, preparing extra meals.

Make Decisions Together

About the kind of labor and delivery you want, what to name the child, whether your child should be circumcised.

Labour

Cheer Her On

Keep her focused. She shouldn’t give up, and she shouldn’t panic. If she starts acting restless or agitated during a contraction, make eye contact with her and encourage her to take a deep breath. Hold her hand and tell her she’s doing great.

Physically support her

Hold her hand and hold her in position if she opts for an epidural. Clutch her legs and thighs during pushing.

Be at Her Beck and Call

If she wants some ice, get her some. Pronto. If she wants a back rub, roll up your sleeves and get to work.

Take it Like A Man

Don’t take your wife’s comments personally. Smile, nod, and know she will not appreciate a sarcastic response - no matter how witty you may deem it to be!

Snap Pictures

Capture the moment by taking out appropriate pictures.

Catch the baby

If you’re up for it, ask your doctor if you can “catch” the baby, that is, support him as he emerges from the birth canal and cut the umbilical cord.

Post Labour

Call friends and family

You will be communication central for telling friends and family that you’re a new dad!

Take initiative

Change diapers, help with feedings and baths. Allow your wife to nap while you take care of the baby.

Time off

Do whatever you can to take some time off from work when the baby arrives. This will help you establish your own close relationship with your child right from the start.

What dads should NOT to do during labor

* Don’t chat on the phone with friends

* Don’t return work calls

* Don’t check stocks, surf the net or check emails

* Don’t chew gum or blow bubbles

* Don’t hoard the remote!

* Don’t flirt with the nurses

* Don’t let your mother in unless your wife says it’s okay

* Don’t socialise with other fathers

* Don’t take inappropriate pictures

Roshni Mahtani

Editor

TheAsianParent.Com

http://www.theasianparent.com

TheAsianParent.com is a free weekly online parenting magazine targeted at educated, culturally engaged parents with children 0-6 years of age, parents-to-be, who are residing in Asia or of Asian heritage.

We aim to be the number one source of Asian parenting news, opinion, education, and entertainment. We offer our readers lots of articles, videos and pod casts that are not just credible and relevant but cutting edge, stylish and light-hearted, which they can expect every Monday. We also offer our readers a forum where they can meet like-minded parents to communicate, commiserate and celebrate the absurdity and wonder of it all. The magazine also gathers a pool of educators, doctors and advisors who are keen in promoting the well-being of children and parents. Together, TheAsianParent acts as a platform for communication and support for parents.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Roshni_Mahtani
http://EzineArticles.com/?Daddys-During-Pregnancy—Your-Roles&id=1568349

What Dads Want - Fathers’ Confessions

Filed under: Fatherhood — administrator @ 9:29 am

What Dads Want - Fathers’ Confessions
By Roshni Mahtani

We scoured the streets of Orchards and spoke to over 100 Singaporean dads about parenting and their relationship with their wives. This is what they had to say…

PS: Help save a marriage! How? By forwarding this article to your mummy friends!

1) Stop nagging

When you nag at me, I automatically tune you out. Instead, you are better of making a list of the things you want me to do, give me a deadline, and I promise you it’ll be done! If I don’t do it, then nag at me. But not before listing it.

2) Recognise our efforts

Why is it you only see the stuff that I didn’t do? What about all the things I did do? Like accompany you for all your sappy chick flicks, visit with your family on Sundays, when we all know it should be soccer day!

3) Don’t be a Nazi

Stop micromanaging my relationship with the kids. They are MY kids too! If I want to take them for a movie or for ice cream, I should be “allowed” to. I really hate asking you for “permission”.

4) Stop Guilting Us

I just want to have a little free time without feeling guilty that I am not spending enough time with the kids. Being Super dad and Super provider is not a walk in the park!

5) Just Chill

What’s wrong with short cuts? If we aren’t going out, why can’t the kids be in their PJ all day? And do we really have to comb her hair? Can’t it be messy for just one day?

6) Give us room for mistakes

Give us the opportunity to hone our parenting skills. If you keep breathing down our back every time we try to change the diaper, we’re never going to learn.

7) Your Standards…Sigh

Lower your standards for heaven’s sake. If we’ve cleaned the bathroom, and it looks clean to us, then guess what, it’s clean. Don’t get mad at us and redo it. We’re never going to offer to do it again!

8) Amore

Nothing makes us as happy as sex. Not the amazing dinner you cooked. Not the surprise holiday you planned. Not even the fact that you are willing to sit through the World Cup with us. We can live without all of that. We cannot live without sex.

9) Hello, I exist!

You are married to me. Not your mother. Discuss major decisions with me first, before you discuss it with her!

10) Where’s my wife?

I know the kids are important, but so am I. I didn’t sign up for a ten-minutes a night wife. Would it really kill you to come to bed early once a week? And no we don’t have to have sex. We can just talk (when I say we, I mean you keep quiet for once, and let me talk for a change)

Author:

Roshni Mahtani

Editor

TheAsianParent.Com
http://www.theasianparent.com

TheAsianParent.com is a free weekly online parenting magazine targeted at educated, culturally engaged parents with children 0-6 years of age, parents-to-be, who are residing in Asia or of Asian heritage.

We aim to be the number one source of Asian parenting news, opinion, education, and entertainment. We offer our readers lots of articles, videos and pod casts that are not just credible and relevant but cutting edge, stylish and light-hearted, which readers can expect every Monday. We also offer our readers a forum where they can meet like-minded parents to communicate, commiserate and celebrate the absurdity and wonder of it all. The magazine also gathers a pool of educators, doctors and advisors who are keen in promoting the well-being of children and parents. Together, TheAsianParent acts as a platform for communication and support for parents.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Roshni_Mahtani
http://EzineArticles.com/?What-Dads-Want—Fathers-Confessions&id=1571317

Divorced Dads - Dealing With Broken Home

Filed under: Fatherhood — administrator @ 9:28 am

Divorced Dads - Dealing With Broken Home
By P. Banas

The thought of what has happened interrupts you seven times a day. You have lost everything you helped build, all sense of love and belonging in the world. The crisis has left in its wake the disorganization of your instincts and ideas.

Every divorced dad has to carry his own grief and try to begin a new life again in the world. Remember that you are still a father. Taking care of your children during this crisis is your first priority. It’s the only way to break the inertia. It’s the only way to get back in control of your life, take responsibility and start fixing that broken heart, that broken home.

It is time to get help:

• Along with the correct legal advice, consider seeing a family therapist or psychologist.

• Coping isn’t easy. Feelings of rage and vindication can overwhelm you at this time. Be aware that these feelings are normal, but acting on them is not.

• You need to talk it out-with friends, a support group or with a therapist. Newly divorced dads often find this helpful to regain a sense of control over their situation.

• Remember that it takes time to get back to what will pass for “normal”, given your new situation. Set realistic expectations for how long it will take to get back on track.

It takes a lot of sanity to make the right decision when it comes to deciding the fate of your fatherhood after divorce. That is exactly what is at stake in the situation.

Knowing your rights as a father is the first positive step towards understanding your legal position. Once you have familiarized yourself with the legal basics, you can decide on the individual merits of your case with the help of your lawyer:

• If you feel the divorce is “not your fault” or if your spouse is an incompetent parent, you may choose to sue for sole custody. However, this may involve unnecessary separations and prolonged battles with your family, and resulting alienation and resentment among your children.

• You may decide to negotiate for joint custody and generous visitation rights-decisions which go a long way in repairing the damage of divorce and gives time to everyone to deal rationally with each other.

You may find that a commitment towards creating conditions for a stable environment for your children is more important than taking revenge on your spouse for the divorce. Divorced dads have a lot to prove since they will likely take at least half the blame for the break up of the family.

Paul Banas is a founder of GreatDad.com. He writes articles on pregnancy and parenting topics related to dads. If you’re a divorced dad, share your experiences with other dads about parenting and raising kids at Fathers Forum.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=P._Banas
http://EzineArticles.com/?Divorced-Dads—Dealing-With-Broken-Home&id=1578119

Fathers - Confinement Helper

Filed under: Fatherhood — administrator @ 9:26 am

Fathers - Confinement Helper
By Sangeetha Nadarajan

The wife’s wedged in the confinement period and you are sulking on the couch watching Bayern Munich total Schalke on the field? Oh, and do you feel that you’re in confinement just because your wife is too? What’s wrong with you? Don’t just sit there with one hand on the remote and a beer can on the other! Do something for her while she’s stuck at home!

Here’s a list of things that you can do to help out in this confinement period.

Confinement Nanny

Before you start rattling off that your mother-in-law has taken care of that, we meant that you play secondary confinement nanny. Baby your wife. Get her everything she asks for. If she craves for durians at 11.15 at night, find a way to get them. If she wants you to draw a bath with lavender salts, do it. The woman just had your kid, for crying out loud. Throw in something while you’re at it! After all a bath with lavender salts, candles, light music in the background is the least you can do to make up for the nine months she was saddled with your child! If you already have an older child with you, get him to pitch in as well. He could be your little assistant and there is nothing sweeter for Mummy than her two favourite people lending a helping hand around the house.

Colour those blues away!

Now more than ever, postpartum blues have been making headlines. Occurring a few days after giving birth, there is possibility that your wife might be feeling down even if she does not tell or show you. Cheer her up with flowers, chocolates and perhaps even a bath together. Get your wife to get her daily routine on the road. Studies have shown that women with postpartum depression often neglect personal hygiene. Therefore, help her to get back into her regular routine of life. Do it gently.

Doctors have also suggested occasional separation from the baby would do her good and if she’s chasing the blues away, this separation is a must. Take her for a walk in the park or perhaps a stroll along the beach. Speak to her or if the depression is making her avoid contact, get her to keep a journal. Just remember not to force her to do anything. Just show her you are by her side.

Manage those visitors

You are going to be seeing lots of people flocking to your house to see the new arrival. Be a good host and give your wife no reason to have to make talk with the guests if she does not feel up to it. Give her space. Anna Tay remembers her husband and mother-in-law expecting her to get dressed up and converse with her guests who came to see her baby when he was born two years ago. “I was not feeling up to it. But they expected me to be a good host when I had just given birth a week ago. I mean exhaustion was weighing in and I was just feeling so messed up but I still gritted my teeth and went with it, although for that period I just resented my husband and his mother for not being more understanding,” confesses Anna.

Be your wife for a while

You heard us right. Be your wife for a while. Do the things she usually does - pay the bills, stock up on groceries, drive the kids to their piano class, mother the kids, etc. Do what needs doing, fix what needs fixing and attend to what needs attending to. Don’t sit around and wait for her to tell you what to do.

The bottom line is show her she’s loved and appreciated! Moreover, these little actions of yours may just score some brownie points for you in the bedroom!

Author:

Sangeetha Nadarajan

Writer

TheAsianParent.Com

http://www.theasianparent.com

TheAsianParent.com is a free weekly online parenting magazine targeted at educated, culturally engaged parents with children 0-6 years of age, parents-to-be, who are residing in Asia or of Asian heritage.

We aim to be the number one source of Asian parenting news, opinion, education, and entertainment. We offer our readers lots of articles, videos and pod casts that are not just credible and relevant but cutting edge, stylish and light-hearted, which readers can expect every Monday. We also offer our readers a forum where they can meet like-minded parents to communicate, commiserate and celebrate the absurdity and wonder of it all. The magazine also gathers a pool of educators, doctors and advisors who are keen in promoting the well-being of children and parents. Together, TheAsianParent acts as a platform for communication and support for parents.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sangeetha_Nadarajan
http://EzineArticles.com/?Fathers—Confinement-Helper&id=1578224

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